Hiding Things in Your Heart

This past Thanksgiving I sat at Gramma's house and watched videos of my eldest when she was 18 months old. That was one talking, singing child. I was pondering the fact that she is about to graduate from high school and go to college. I'm very proud of her, she has been an amazing child. I was wondering why she has been such a good kid and so well-grounded. I've spent my whole life praying Isaiah 54:13 All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace. And truly, the Lord has done most of the teaching.

But then God's been showing me my part in it. That's been a pretty amazing adventure. So here are some thoughts about the difference between my ideas and the world's.

First of all, I want you to think back to high school. Do you remember taking Geometry? Yuck! I hated it. Especially proofs. You know, you were given a starting point and then an ending point and you had to prove how you got from start to end. I just couldn't do them.

Then I became a computer science major in college and learned to program. I remember one assignment I had to start with nothing and be able to come up with a program that would allow people to order parts. So I decided to start with designing the final screen the people would input their data into. Then I filled in all the code to get me to that screen.

What does that have to do with parenting? Well, I decided when my children were born that there were certain things they needed to become to be responsible, independant adults. They needed to know their Creator, they needed good character, positive social skills, good work ethic, good education, critical thinking skills... you know. Of course I asked God to help me get them from point 0 to adult. And He did and still does. As He reveals things to me about my children, I feel like Mary, I hide them in my heart and ponder my part in their growth.

The problem with most ideas of parenting is that people are only taught to see the here and now. They want a baby like a child wants a pet, to meet their emotional needs and babies are cute. So they think to themselves: The baby is so cute, let's make her laugh, I don't want her to hate me, she's too young to understand, etc.

Yes, the baby is cute, enjoy it. But if she cries, will you rush in to stop it just so that she will be cute and happy again? Make your decisions based on her real needs and her future ones too. Does she need food? Feed her. Does she have gas? Burp her. Does she want her own way? Ignore her crying if you want an independant unselfish adult later on. By always catering to every whim a child has, you actually produce a teen that expects every thing in the world to center around them. Teach them that you have needs too. Children love to meet other people's needs.

Just because you swat your child for rebellion or to keep them out of danger doesn't mean he is going to hate you (or become violent). I have three girls that I swatted as very young children. Each one reacted differently. But I tell you this, now that they are older, all three have told me they were thankful for it. They don't enjoy being in a high school class with disrespectful, undisciplined youth. They understand life's boundaries better because we taught them very young that there boundaries existed. BTW, after about 5 years of age I barely had to spank them at all. They had learned obedience by that age.

My vision for my girls initially, was that as adults God would have prepared the man they were to marry and that they would marry in purity and true love. So I made a decision to tell them from childhood that God had a guy for them when they are ready to be married. I tried to make sure I didn't let them watch things that "would awaken love before it's time." When you tell your little one that they shouldn't watch a certain show, they won't hate you for it in the long run. You are protecting them from ideas that will influence them down the road. Having worked with so many youth in my life, I found that when young girls are bombarded with romantic images at young ages, they feel they must have a boyfriend. So starting in elementary school they pair up. By middle school, they feel they are ugly and worthless if they don't have a boyfriend. By High School, they have to have a bf or they are a freak, they will do anything to keep one. My girls have all looked at their friends dating/breaking up/depression cycles (since middle school) and they have thanked me for teaching them to wait until they were really ready for a MATURE relationship.

Just pick one thing you would like for your child in the future and adjust what you are doing now to aim them towards that goal. Don't know how to do it? Good, that means you will rely on God more and He's better at it than we are. When you feel you've made the corrections in your parenting and your child is responding, pick another goal and work on it. God will reveal just what your child needs most so ask for His advice (through His Word) and then trust Him completely. He loves your child more than you ever can.

So enjoy the ride of childhood (which goes very fast btw) and still think about your child's future at the same time. Before you will see an adult standing at your door ready to take on the world. What kind of adult will she be?